Resentments

For so many years I heard people say things about how I needed to let go of the anger at my father for despicable acts that he forced upon me as a child.  Of course I didn’t and I wouldn’t; I  was full of anger, hatred, rage, fear, and so much more.  I didn’t trust anyone and I had a temper just like my father did.  The pain  became so powerful that it took over my entire  being, until I was seeking relief through alcohol and drugs.

After several years of living (if that’s what you want to call it) in full-blown active addiction, I finally hit my rock bottom.  All of my consequences were coming down on me at the same time and it literally felt as though I had an elephant on my chest.  I ended up in jail and knew that something had to change.  When I went into treatment, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about my father and uncles who had molested me for years.  I just kept saying , Oh that’s in the past, we left them, my father is dead, etc.   Although my plan was to sweep it under the rug and avoid it all together, God had something else in mind.  I started reading a book and in that book it talked about family members having the same problem.  Of course that didn’t go over well with me, because I had always said that I would never be like my Dad.  Well here I was, in treatment to come off drugs and alcohol; just like my dad.  That literally made me physically sick.  I still pretty much kept quiet in treatment when it came to my dad, but when I got out and started attending meetings and got a Sponsor; well that’s when the healing really began.  I almost immediately began working the 12 steps and although the pain of reliving those days of my childhood, felt unbearable at times, I kept pushing through.  With the help of my Sponsor and many others in the fellowship, I was finally able to see that forgiving wasn’t about the other person, it was about setting the prisoner inside of me free.  In actuality, my father still had power over me and he had passed many years before I became clean.  When I began to see how true that statement was, I was more than willing to face it , feel it, and free it!  I have never felt so much freedom in my entire life.

Just because you forgive someone , doesn’t mean that what they did was okay, it doesn’t mean that you forget, and it doesn’t mean that it never hurt; It only means that you are no longer willing to allow that resentment to be in control of your life; Forgiveness is for you , not the other person or persons.  So when the time is right for you (and no one can tell you when that is but you; ) face those fears and feelings that you are trying to suppress, because whether you like it or not they are going to come out one way or another.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

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((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

Feeling a little blue

If you’re feeling a little blue, allow yourself to be right where you are:  If all you want to do is lay around, that’s okay to, just lay around;  If you feel like crying, by all means cry away; If you’re angry, that’s perfectly fine, you have the right to be, you just don’t have the right to express it in harmful ways towards others.

Whatever you are feeling , it’s okay; We can’t be all chipper and full of life 24/7; there’s times when we are tired, lonely, afraid, and just flat worn out.  Acknowledge your feelings, see them for what they are and if they keep returning, talk to someone, see your Physician, or whatever you must do to see their is an underlying health issue.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you are feeling, why is it getting to you so badly, why is returning so often; then break it down even further; and ask yourself why you are feeling the way your first answer was, and the second, and third; and so on, until you find the core of the issue.  Most of the time I have to help from my Mentor and best friend; but the first thing I do about any of these situations is I pray to God for clarity.  The I step forward in getting into the solution and getting to the root of the problem.

Give yourself a break, it’s okay not to be perfect, it’s okay if you just don’t know why you feel the way you do; Just Breathe and allow the feelings to flow through.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

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Faith

Faith is what makes life bearable; It’s what gives me the strength during tough times.  It’s that spark, even if tiny at the time, which ignites into flames, as long as I keep holding on to the belief that this too shall pass.

Now I am not saying  I have it all together; That I never doubt or just want to give up at times, but through perseverance and determination, with God’s strength that’s within me; I keep moving forward no matter how hard it may be.   Then Just when I think I can’t do it one more second, the change I was waiting for takes place.

Faith doesn’t come easy for myself and many others.  Growing up in an alcoholic family , being abused, and abandoned on a regular basis; made it difficult for me to believe anything about God, much less that He was loving and caring.  However, I continued to go along with what everyone else was doing and saying; even went to a Christian High School and College, but it just wasn’t there.  I always had an impending doom attitude; believing that God was up on some big throne waiting to punish me yet again; that I was hopeless and a bad little girl.   These thoughts are what I lived with most of my life; they are what was engraved into the core of my being.  The saddest part was that the churches I grew up in were what I call Hell, Fire, & Damnation churches.  The portrayed God to be this person who was angry at all of His children and was going to get revenge on each and every one of them.  If you wore the wrong thing, talked the wrong way, looked or acted like you liked a boy, danced, laughed & more; you were going to hell.  So no wonder it was hard for me to develop a loving and caring relationship with God.  He had always been portrayed as Mean & Vengeful.  Then there’s the psychological factor that weighs in; Counselors believe that the father image of the family is what a child bases their first impression of God as;   So for me that was horrible; My father was a very abusive and sick man; so looking at God that way (even though I didn’t know that’s what I was doing at the time) made it even scarier.

I know that a lot of times in life we don’t feel God’s presence.  We don’t think He is even there anymore.  With all the hurt and pain in the world today, it may look and feel like He has left you all alone, but He hasn’t.   I do not believe that God makes things happen for a reason; I can’t believe that, or I would be agreeing to the fact that He made my Dad abuse me, in some horrible ways, just to prove or make something happen.  However each of us chooses our path and God will  not go against our will; I also believe that Life happens and that God can take what has happened and turn into something powerful; whether the event itself brings someone into you life, a greater bond with your family, an opportunity, or a number of other things.  I just know for me, I can’t believe that He sits up in Heaven thinking up ways to make bad things happen to us.  He lives within my heart; He is my Spirit, He is my God and He’s with me all the time.  He has given me all that I need to live a happy, joyous and free life; I just have to learn how to tap into that power.  Some days I have all the faith in the world, then others not so much; but one thing is for sure, I am much closer to God than I once was.

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

Guilt & Shame

Guilt and Shame can keep you stuck in the past and fearful of the future, if not dealt with in the appropriate manner.

In Recovery we go by our 8th & 9th Steps, which first tell us to make a list of all the persons we have harmed , then to become willing to make amends , to the best of our ability.  This does not mean that we grovel or crawl, begging forgiveness; it means what it simply says, We do it to the best of our ability.  We approach the person and or place, as long as it does not cause harm to ourselves’ or others, and we don’t say I’m Sorry (for they have heard that quite often and it doesn’t mean much to them at all) we admit our wrongs, ask what we can do to make it right, and then we go out there and make a living amends, which means don’t continue the same behaviors that put us in such a predicament to begin with.

It’s not about begging for forgiveness; It’s about owning up to your part and being willing to make it right; Whether or not they forgive us is not the point; The point is that we faced something that we never thought we would be able to; that we are finally taking responsibility for our wrongful acts and are willing to not only make it right, but to live differently in the future.

Most of the time they do forgive us, but sometimes they don’t and that’s okay.  Each person is entitled to their feelings and have their own process of healing; But now we can hold our heads up high, looking the world in the eye, for we have completely and thoroughly examined our wrongs and made them right.

(((hugs & love))))

Wendy

Believe that you have what it takes

I can remember going through a very difficult time in my life and all I wanted to do was give up;

I didn’t see the sense in it all; things looked so hopeless and all I could do was wallow in self-pity, well as I was having my wonderful self-pity party, a friend of mine looked straight at me and said I know I wasn’t invited to this self-pity party of yours; of which I replied , “Oh but yes you were”.  She proceeded to tell me that Recovery was not easy; that life wasn’t easy for that matter; But it was worth it; no matter what you are going through it’s worth far more than you realize and it’s much greater now , than it was your worst day in active addiction.   I stood there speechless, because what I really wanted was someone to wallow in self-pity with me, however what she said was so full of truth!  I thanked her as I was hugging her neck and she looked me straight in the eyes and said…”Believe in yourself, Believe that you can do it, & Believe that you are worth it and that God has got your back!!”  I will never forget those words, for they changed my life that day.  Since then I recall her words often, especially when I am having a hard time believing that I am worth it.  

Know that you are worth whatever it takes to get you where it is you need to be.  Reach out to someone, call or write; Just don’t keep your feelings bottled up inside.  It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself for a little while; but there comes a point when it’s time to pick up and move on, may that time come quickly for you as you begin to see that you are worth it too!!

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

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Somewhere along our journey we may have been told that we were worthless, less than, would never amount to anything; that we were a mistake,,,etc.  These may be extremes but true for so many of us.  Whether it was from childhood or later on in our adult life, we no longer have to believe those words; There is just no truth in them .   Those days are long gone.  Today is a new beginning,,,one we can face the painful feelings and free them; no longer allowing them to control our entire being.

No matter whether you feel it or not, you are unique; you are priceless and have a purpose that only you can fill.  It may not feel that way at the moment, but with time, practice, and effort you will soon believe it.

Never forget that you deserve the best that life and love have to offer; You deserve to be happy in life.  Why not start today?

(((hugs & love)))0

Wendy

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF

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  When my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/Wingsofencouragement was hacked and I lost over 500,000 followers (and yes you will hear me mention that often) I fell apart on the inside; I felt so violated, so abused, & confused; I just didn’t understand at all; I kept asking myself questions like, Why God? Why Me, I was helping others?   These and so many more questions and thoughts went on in my head.  It was as if someone had ripped my heart right out of my chest; At first I thought it wasn’t what it looked as, then I thought it would be fixed quickly, but when I realized that getting in touch with facebook and getting them to fix anything was next to impossible; I began to cry.  Those tears lasted for days.  I would go from being okay to be devastated in a matter of seconds. Yes this page meant so very much to me,, I created it in September of 2010 and I we were a thriving community; we helped each other through difficult times and we shared our hearts with one another in hopes that it would help just one person. I have written a book and that book was to be released on Wings soon; along with some inspirational jewelry and the signature bracelets for Wings of Encouragement..  Then the hacking came.  I fought, sent emails, messages, more emails, and on and on.  Reported issues , on and on; yet facebook has yet to even respond.  Facebook removed me as Administrator of my own account and I was the only Administrator; and stated that I was the one who asked for it to be done.  I didn’t of course, I mean why would I, I was the only Administrator; Anyways facebook removed me as Administrator and sent all 500,000 + followers to another page. Yes it still stings and I still get teary eyed but I keep moving forward believing that God will redeem not only that which was taken from me, but far greater more than I could imagine.   I had to recreate Wings and the page is doing well; we aren’t getting that much traffic, but we are up and going at 20,000 plus and that was done in only a few days.  I will keep pushing forward, keep sending emails to facebook, & keep hoping and praying; For today I know that I am worth it and so are my dreams and I will fight for it all, because today I am worth it. Wendy Box https:/Facebook.com/Wingsofencouragement

Addiction is a Disease

Many argue the fact that Addiction is a Disease.  I am not here to debate with anyone; I am here to share my Experience, Strength, & Hope with those who want to listen.

I share what I have learned, how my life has changed, as a direct result of working a 12-Step Program, and what I know is true concerning addiction.  There are many web sites available to those who want to learn more about this deadly disease; just google “The Disease of Addiction” and you will find a variety of information.

The simplest way I put it is that the Dopamine levels in an addict/alcoholic’s brain are not functioning properly; the cerebelum is making decisions based on that very fact.  The neurotransmitters are not funcitioning properly which releases too much dopamine into the brain, therefor causing irrational behaviors and attitudes.  When a drug or drink is taken, it will cause the dopamine to increase to a level of euphoria, which in the addict/alcoholic’s brain gives them the pleasure they have been searching for.  Simple put their “stop” mechanism doesn’t work; once they take that first drug, or drink, they can’t stop.  That is the simplest way I know to describe it.

Society accepts the diabetes, epilepsy, etc. as a disease, even depression; however when it comes to the disease of addiction, society is so misinformed.  Because an alcoholic/addict’s behaviors are so degrading at times, society just thinks that they can “choose” to stop using.  The fact of the matter is , once an addict/alcoholic takes that first drink or drug, they CAN NOT stop!! If you want to learn more about this disease, if your family is suffering from it, please research all the information available.  This is a FAMILY DISEASE!!!!  It effects all that are involved and there is Recovery available to both the family and the alcoholic/addict.

The good news is once an Addict/Alcoholic begins a program of Recovery, whether it be in AA, NA, CA, or HA; (or the family begins recovery in Alanon) lives begin to change; in a positive way.  I know because mine has!!

As I stated at the beginning of this article; I am not here to debate with anyone over Addiction/Alcoholism (they are both the same disease); I am merely here to spread the word about the Disease itself , to all those who are so mis-informed.  If you want help, reach out, let someone know what is going on; And always remember, INSURANCE WOULD NOT CLASSIFY THIS A DISEASE , UNLESS IT WAS; THEY DEFINITELY WOULDN’T PAY FOR IT , IF THERE WERE NOT ENOUGH PROVEN INFORMATION; MEDICAL FACTS; TO BACK UP THE DISEASE ITSELF.

Wendy Box