Tag Archives: freedom from active addiction

Honesty


Growing up honesty was not a value we practiced in our home.  I learned from a very young age not to let the “outside” world know what was really happening in our “inside” world at home.   It was something I did on a daily basis & all throughout my day for that matter.

As I grew older , I continued to take this same sense of “dishonesty” with me wherever I went.  It was how I was raised, it’s what I thought was not only right , but okay.  Needless to say, this type of life only lead me to much darker places.  I lied to get what I wanted, when I wanted it .  I lied about being sick, so I didn’t have to do this or that; my lying became such a habit that I even began believing the lies I was telling to everyone else.

During my youth years, my mom and us 4 kids began attending church on a regular basis.  I was so insecure and so afraid.  I grew up in the old testament bible beating you upside the head type of church and I just knew God was going to kill me before I left that building, on so many occasions.  I mean if I was going to hell because I lied, then I might as well hang it up and if kissing a boy gave you a disease and struck you to your death, then I should have already been gone; Yes it was very confusing.  Then bring in the factor that my father sexually abused me and well, I just gave up at that point.  I was more afraid to walk in a church building than I was not to.  I wanted to believe with all of my heart, I really did; but I was too afraid.  I didn’t see God as loving and caring; I saw Him as someone who was waiting to zap me at any moment and send me straight to hell.  I knew that I had not lived up to any Godly Standards in my life, much less the way I was living at the time.  I was more afraid than comfortable with the entire God Thing.

The thoughts and fears and guilt became so overbearing that I chose to run the other way; to completely get away from God; I did whatever I could to make Him “Zap” me, so to speak; I started using the drugs and alcohol to numb all the confusion and pain; That’s when the grips of addiction took hold and swept me away.  I lived in a hell like I never even imagined was possible and the darkness within my heart; well to this day I don’t even like to speak of it.  I hated everyone, only liked you to get what I could from you, & most of all I hated myself with everything I had within me.  I hated the way I looked, acted, talked, walked, slept, played, did homework, & anything else I could think of.  I envied everyone around me,; what I truly wanted was to go with Alice into a rabbit hole, but I didn’t want to come back.

Today my life is completely different.  I found a new way to live ; one that took my life in the direction I thought only others could enjoy.  It didn’t happen overnight; I had to face many fears along the way, the scariest being, have to  face feel my feelings.  Yes that one nearly got the best of me.  However , with a Sponsor in my pocket, God on my side, & Hope in my heart – I kept going One Day at a Time.  I not only learned to be honest, I learned one of the most important values in life; I learned to be honest with myself; That’s when my true healing began.

Now I am not perfect by any means, but I sure am better than I use to be.  I still have to keep myself accountable & work my program on a daily basis; but the most precious gift of all is the relationship I have with God; He’s my best friend, my provider , and my reason for living.   Now if that’s not a far cry from the way I use to be I don’t know what is.  I enjoy my life today & helping others is a passion that consumes my entire being.

I don’t know what you may be going through, I don’t know what’s on your mind, or what you may be suffering from; But I do know there’s a way out of  the misery and pain.  There’s a way to live life to the fullest and there’s a way to find peace & happiness; You just have to be willing to take that first step in the right direction.  Reach out to someone and share what’s going on with you on the inside; Share as honestly as you can and allow them to help you learn how to take the next step towards freedom.  Whether it’s an addiction, depression, abuse, fear, or just hopelessness you are struggling with, You Can find the help you are looking for ; But whether you find it or not, is a choice that only you can make.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

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Has life become monotonous to you?


When I first began Recovery, it was both exciting and exhilarating at the same time.  Everything was new, the fellowship, new friends, camp outs, the beach conventions, my family was beginning to have faith in me once again and most importantly, I was living life without the use of drugs and I was loving it.

Then that “pink cloud” lifted and I was bored with the same old routine; It just seemed like something was missing and I couldn’t figure out what it was.  I became isolated, depressed, and confused.  I was at the point to where if I didn’t do something, I was headed back to those dark places, I had worked so hard to get out of.  That’s when I ran across an amazing woman, Cheryl , who is one of the founders of Waves of Gratitude; She helped me to see that I could live my dreams, that anything was possible, I just had to take the first step.  She also would not allow me to talk negative about myself or anything I was a part of for that matter; and before I knew it I was writing a book, creating my own Facebook Page (Wings of Encouragement), taking classes and a four-hour exam to become a counselor.  It was amazing at what that one step turned into, in so many areas of my life.

So when I get back to that feeling of being bored with the same old routine, I first remember how far I have come, Second, I write down at least 5 goals that I want to accomplish and keep the list to where I can read it on a daily basis, and Third, I take a step towards those goals, no matter how small it may be.  There are also times I just change my routine up a little; I may go camping, dance like crazy to music (which is very therapeutic for myself),  spend time with some friends, take a small overnight trip, and yes sometimes I even start working out, but that one , well although I know I should, it’s usually the last resort, lol.

My point is if you are becoming bored with the same old same old, then spice it up some; start a new project, change your routine around,  do things that make you laugh, just go and be silly a little while.  You will be surprised at how much a small change can change your entire perspective & mood , for that matter.

(((hugs & love))))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

Feeling a little blue


If you’re feeling a little blue, allow yourself to be right where you are:  If all you want to do is lay around, that’s okay to, just lay around;  If you feel like crying, by all means cry away; If you’re angry, that’s perfectly fine, you have the right to be, you just don’t have the right to express it in harmful ways towards others.

Whatever you are feeling , it’s okay; We can’t be all chipper and full of life 24/7; there’s times when we are tired, lonely, afraid, and just flat worn out.  Acknowledge your feelings, see them for what they are and if they keep returning, talk to someone, see your Physician, or whatever you must do to see their is an underlying health issue.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you are feeling, why is it getting to you so badly, why is returning so often; then break it down even further; and ask yourself why you are feeling the way your first answer was, and the second, and third; and so on, until you find the core of the issue.  Most of the time I have to help from my Mentor and best friend; but the first thing I do about any of these situations is I pray to God for clarity.  The I step forward in getting into the solution and getting to the root of the problem.

Give yourself a break, it’s okay not to be perfect, it’s okay if you just don’t know why you feel the way you do; Just Breathe and allow the feelings to flow through.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

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Faith


Faith is what makes life bearable; It’s what gives me the strength during tough times.  It’s that spark, even if tiny at the time, which ignites into flames, as long as I keep holding on to the belief that this too shall pass.

Now I am not saying  I have it all together; That I never doubt or just want to give up at times, but through perseverance and determination, with God’s strength that’s within me; I keep moving forward no matter how hard it may be.   Then Just when I think I can’t do it one more second, the change I was waiting for takes place.

Faith doesn’t come easy for myself and many others.  Growing up in an alcoholic family , being abused, and abandoned on a regular basis; made it difficult for me to believe anything about God, much less that He was loving and caring.  However, I continued to go along with what everyone else was doing and saying; even went to a Christian High School and College, but it just wasn’t there.  I always had an impending doom attitude; believing that God was up on some big throne waiting to punish me yet again; that I was hopeless and a bad little girl.   These thoughts are what I lived with most of my life; they are what was engraved into the core of my being.  The saddest part was that the churches I grew up in were what I call Hell, Fire, & Damnation churches.  The portrayed God to be this person who was angry at all of His children and was going to get revenge on each and every one of them.  If you wore the wrong thing, talked the wrong way, looked or acted like you liked a boy, danced, laughed & more; you were going to hell.  So no wonder it was hard for me to develop a loving and caring relationship with God.  He had always been portrayed as Mean & Vengeful.  Then there’s the psychological factor that weighs in; Counselors believe that the father image of the family is what a child bases their first impression of God as;   So for me that was horrible; My father was a very abusive and sick man; so looking at God that way (even though I didn’t know that’s what I was doing at the time) made it even scarier.

I know that a lot of times in life we don’t feel God’s presence.  We don’t think He is even there anymore.  With all the hurt and pain in the world today, it may look and feel like He has left you all alone, but He hasn’t.   I do not believe that God makes things happen for a reason; I can’t believe that, or I would be agreeing to the fact that He made my Dad abuse me, in some horrible ways, just to prove or make something happen.  However each of us chooses our path and God will  not go against our will; I also believe that Life happens and that God can take what has happened and turn into something powerful; whether the event itself brings someone into you life, a greater bond with your family, an opportunity, or a number of other things.  I just know for me, I can’t believe that He sits up in Heaven thinking up ways to make bad things happen to us.  He lives within my heart; He is my Spirit, He is my God and He’s with me all the time.  He has given me all that I need to live a happy, joyous and free life; I just have to learn how to tap into that power.  Some days I have all the faith in the world, then others not so much; but one thing is for sure, I am much closer to God than I once was.

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

Inspirational Jewelry


I am so grateful for how my life is today;

I would have never dreamed 7 years ago that I would have a facebook page that had over 1 million followers, my own line of jewelry, and books coming out in the near future.  So gratitude does not even express how I am feeling at this moment.

I am doing what I love to do and all because I chose to take a few steps in the direction of my dreams.

Please check out all of our jewelry and let me know what you think at  http://wingsofencouragement.net/store.html

Always remember that you deserve the best that life and love have to offer;

You deserve for your dreams to come true and you are worth all the effort it takes to make that happen.

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy