Tag Archives: Willingness

Honesty


Growing up honesty was not a value we practiced in our home.  I learned from a very young age not to let the “outside” world know what was really happening in our “inside” world at home.   It was something I did on a daily basis & all throughout my day for that matter.

As I grew older , I continued to take this same sense of “dishonesty” with me wherever I went.  It was how I was raised, it’s what I thought was not only right , but okay.  Needless to say, this type of life only lead me to much darker places.  I lied to get what I wanted, when I wanted it .  I lied about being sick, so I didn’t have to do this or that; my lying became such a habit that I even began believing the lies I was telling to everyone else.

During my youth years, my mom and us 4 kids began attending church on a regular basis.  I was so insecure and so afraid.  I grew up in the old testament bible beating you upside the head type of church and I just knew God was going to kill me before I left that building, on so many occasions.  I mean if I was going to hell because I lied, then I might as well hang it up and if kissing a boy gave you a disease and struck you to your death, then I should have already been gone; Yes it was very confusing.  Then bring in the factor that my father sexually abused me and well, I just gave up at that point.  I was more afraid to walk in a church building than I was not to.  I wanted to believe with all of my heart, I really did; but I was too afraid.  I didn’t see God as loving and caring; I saw Him as someone who was waiting to zap me at any moment and send me straight to hell.  I knew that I had not lived up to any Godly Standards in my life, much less the way I was living at the time.  I was more afraid than comfortable with the entire God Thing.

The thoughts and fears and guilt became so overbearing that I chose to run the other way; to completely get away from God; I did whatever I could to make Him “Zap” me, so to speak; I started using the drugs and alcohol to numb all the confusion and pain; That’s when the grips of addiction took hold and swept me away.  I lived in a hell like I never even imagined was possible and the darkness within my heart; well to this day I don’t even like to speak of it.  I hated everyone, only liked you to get what I could from you, & most of all I hated myself with everything I had within me.  I hated the way I looked, acted, talked, walked, slept, played, did homework, & anything else I could think of.  I envied everyone around me,; what I truly wanted was to go with Alice into a rabbit hole, but I didn’t want to come back.

Today my life is completely different.  I found a new way to live ; one that took my life in the direction I thought only others could enjoy.  It didn’t happen overnight; I had to face many fears along the way, the scariest being, have to  face feel my feelings.  Yes that one nearly got the best of me.  However , with a Sponsor in my pocket, God on my side, & Hope in my heart – I kept going One Day at a Time.  I not only learned to be honest, I learned one of the most important values in life; I learned to be honest with myself; That’s when my true healing began.

Now I am not perfect by any means, but I sure am better than I use to be.  I still have to keep myself accountable & work my program on a daily basis; but the most precious gift of all is the relationship I have with God; He’s my best friend, my provider , and my reason for living.   Now if that’s not a far cry from the way I use to be I don’t know what is.  I enjoy my life today & helping others is a passion that consumes my entire being.

I don’t know what you may be going through, I don’t know what’s on your mind, or what you may be suffering from; But I do know there’s a way out of  the misery and pain.  There’s a way to live life to the fullest and there’s a way to find peace & happiness; You just have to be willing to take that first step in the right direction.  Reach out to someone and share what’s going on with you on the inside; Share as honestly as you can and allow them to help you learn how to take the next step towards freedom.  Whether it’s an addiction, depression, abuse, fear, or just hopelessness you are struggling with, You Can find the help you are looking for ; But whether you find it or not, is a choice that only you can make.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

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Getting into the Solution


So, yesterday was not a very good day for me; I was all wrapped up in myself and self-pity was running riot.  I was feeling as though I had let everyone down and that my dreams were never going to come true; that I was nothing but a failure and I might as well give up.  Yes I went there and for most of the day at that.  It seemed like the harder I tried, the worse things got.  Overwhelming feelings took over like a sudden disaster and seemed to be suffocating me.

I knew that if I allowed these feelings to continue that I was headed for some dangerous territory; so I did what I know to do and I went to my Sponser’s house and shared my feelings and thoughts, in a vulnerable way.  There was nothing positive coming out of my mouth, especially about myself.  She pointed out to me that all I was doing was beating myself up and the only place that was going to get me was into a deep and dark depression.  We talked for a long time and it really felt better getting out what was honestly going on with me , both in my head and in my heart.

Sometimes we just have bad days; We feel “bluh”and just want to escape from it all; especially when everything seems to be falling apart around us.  If we don’t quickly get into the solution, we will lead ourselves’ to much darker places; depression, despair, isolation, fear, loneliness & even destruction.

When you have those days, don’t  beat yourself up; we all go through such times.  Reach out to someone, share what’s going on and be open-minded and willing enough to take some suggestions; and when things seem to be falling apart, don’t allow it to cause you to give up; Just because things aren’t working out on your time-table , doesn’t mean they never will.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/store.html (check out our online store for great Easter ideas and our variety of Inspirational items)

The “H.O.W.” of the Program


In Recovery, the “H.O.W.’S” of the Program are ; Honesty , Open-mindedness, & Willingness; which hold true not just for those in a 12-Step Program, but life in general.

There are many 12-Step Programs available all across the world today ; from Addiction to Grief, to Co-dependency, to Over-Eaters , and so much more; Whatever the group may be,  the primary focus is on Honesty, Open-mindedness, & Willingness, for without these 3 nothing is going to change.

So whatever you are going through in life, remember that until you are able to get Honest with Yourself, you will be unable to be honest with others; Until you are Open-minded enough to take suggestions from those who want to help, you will remain the same and if you don’t become Willing to do the above, you will never find a new way to live.

Honesty, Open-minded, & Willing are a must , no matter what you are facing in life; for without them, there are no changes and if there are no changes, things remain the same, or they could  get worse.

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy

Feel your feelings


Feel your feelings

Many have been taught to tuck their feelings away;
To pretend that they have it all under control;
While there are times that we must “suck it in” so to speak;
We do that to get through our responsibilities;
We shouldn’t do it for very long;
Express yourself, in a healthy manner;
Talk to someone you can trust;
Write about it, whatever you have to do;
Just don’t deny your feelings because they
won’t just go away;
You must expose them for what they are;
They lose their power that way;
They will come out sooner or later;
Whether it’s in a healthy or unhealthy way;
Is entirely up to you.
(((Hugs & love)))
Wendy