Tag Archives: self-honesty

Honesty


Growing up honesty was not a value we practiced in our home.  I learned from a very young age not to let the “outside” world know what was really happening in our “inside” world at home.   It was something I did on a daily basis & all throughout my day for that matter.

As I grew older , I continued to take this same sense of “dishonesty” with me wherever I went.  It was how I was raised, it’s what I thought was not only right , but okay.  Needless to say, this type of life only lead me to much darker places.  I lied to get what I wanted, when I wanted it .  I lied about being sick, so I didn’t have to do this or that; my lying became such a habit that I even began believing the lies I was telling to everyone else.

During my youth years, my mom and us 4 kids began attending church on a regular basis.  I was so insecure and so afraid.  I grew up in the old testament bible beating you upside the head type of church and I just knew God was going to kill me before I left that building, on so many occasions.  I mean if I was going to hell because I lied, then I might as well hang it up and if kissing a boy gave you a disease and struck you to your death, then I should have already been gone; Yes it was very confusing.  Then bring in the factor that my father sexually abused me and well, I just gave up at that point.  I was more afraid to walk in a church building than I was not to.  I wanted to believe with all of my heart, I really did; but I was too afraid.  I didn’t see God as loving and caring; I saw Him as someone who was waiting to zap me at any moment and send me straight to hell.  I knew that I had not lived up to any Godly Standards in my life, much less the way I was living at the time.  I was more afraid than comfortable with the entire God Thing.

The thoughts and fears and guilt became so overbearing that I chose to run the other way; to completely get away from God; I did whatever I could to make Him “Zap” me, so to speak; I started using the drugs and alcohol to numb all the confusion and pain; That’s when the grips of addiction took hold and swept me away.  I lived in a hell like I never even imagined was possible and the darkness within my heart; well to this day I don’t even like to speak of it.  I hated everyone, only liked you to get what I could from you, & most of all I hated myself with everything I had within me.  I hated the way I looked, acted, talked, walked, slept, played, did homework, & anything else I could think of.  I envied everyone around me,; what I truly wanted was to go with Alice into a rabbit hole, but I didn’t want to come back.

Today my life is completely different.  I found a new way to live ; one that took my life in the direction I thought only others could enjoy.  It didn’t happen overnight; I had to face many fears along the way, the scariest being, have to  face feel my feelings.  Yes that one nearly got the best of me.  However , with a Sponsor in my pocket, God on my side, & Hope in my heart – I kept going One Day at a Time.  I not only learned to be honest, I learned one of the most important values in life; I learned to be honest with myself; That’s when my true healing began.

Now I am not perfect by any means, but I sure am better than I use to be.  I still have to keep myself accountable & work my program on a daily basis; but the most precious gift of all is the relationship I have with God; He’s my best friend, my provider , and my reason for living.   Now if that’s not a far cry from the way I use to be I don’t know what is.  I enjoy my life today & helping others is a passion that consumes my entire being.

I don’t know what you may be going through, I don’t know what’s on your mind, or what you may be suffering from; But I do know there’s a way out of  the misery and pain.  There’s a way to live life to the fullest and there’s a way to find peace & happiness; You just have to be willing to take that first step in the right direction.  Reach out to someone and share what’s going on with you on the inside; Share as honestly as you can and allow them to help you learn how to take the next step towards freedom.  Whether it’s an addiction, depression, abuse, fear, or just hopelessness you are struggling with, You Can find the help you are looking for ; But whether you find it or not, is a choice that only you can make.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

10169283_785291488155499_5584092095669575691_n

Advertisements

Getting into the Solution


So, yesterday was not a very good day for me; I was all wrapped up in myself and self-pity was running riot.  I was feeling as though I had let everyone down and that my dreams were never going to come true; that I was nothing but a failure and I might as well give up.  Yes I went there and for most of the day at that.  It seemed like the harder I tried, the worse things got.  Overwhelming feelings took over like a sudden disaster and seemed to be suffocating me.

I knew that if I allowed these feelings to continue that I was headed for some dangerous territory; so I did what I know to do and I went to my Sponser’s house and shared my feelings and thoughts, in a vulnerable way.  There was nothing positive coming out of my mouth, especially about myself.  She pointed out to me that all I was doing was beating myself up and the only place that was going to get me was into a deep and dark depression.  We talked for a long time and it really felt better getting out what was honestly going on with me , both in my head and in my heart.

Sometimes we just have bad days; We feel “bluh”and just want to escape from it all; especially when everything seems to be falling apart around us.  If we don’t quickly get into the solution, we will lead ourselves’ to much darker places; depression, despair, isolation, fear, loneliness & even destruction.

When you have those days, don’t  beat yourself up; we all go through such times.  Reach out to someone, share what’s going on and be open-minded and willing enough to take some suggestions; and when things seem to be falling apart, don’t allow it to cause you to give up; Just because things aren’t working out on your time-table , doesn’t mean they never will.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/store.html (check out our online store for great Easter ideas and our variety of Inspirational items)

Discouraged?


Sometimes I become so discouraged with life.  Things seem to keep going wrong and nothing wants to work out.  Every time I take a step towards my dreams, I seem to get knocked down.  Many times I have “thrown in the towel” (so to speak); throwing my hands up in the air out of anger and say to heck with it; it’s just not worth all this effort and frustration.   I take a few days away from what I once loved to do and I start feeling an ache in the core of my gut; one that just won’t go away.   I get even more confused and ask God , “What are you doing to me?; I just don’t understand, nothing is going right, so I gave up, why do I keep getting pulled back to the very thing I hated just a few days ago?”  A few days later the pull towards my dream is still there; so I pick up where I left off, more refreshed now, and I assess the situation.  I pray, take a deep breath, & start once again; now that ache, that burning in my gut seems to just disappear.

Doing what we love is one thing, but persevering through the tough times is a very hard task to tackle.  We learn along the way; We find out more information, we do the hard stuff and eventually things will fall into place.  I have heard that anything worth having takes a lot of hard work to get; So I keep dusting myself off and getting back up.  One day I will see the rewards for all the hard work; one day things will be brighter; but for today, I will put one foot in front of the other and keep doing the next right thing.

If you are getting discouraged with a situation, take a break from it.  Sometimes we push ourselves’ too far and wear ourselves’ out; that’s neither healthy nor will it help the situation at all; it only causes you to be short, discouraged, defeated, tired, and exhausted.  We tend to forget that we have to take time for ourselves’; we have to get rest and take a break from it all; Then we can go back; re-assess the situation,  do our pro’s & con’s list, take a deep breath, and move forward.  Our perception seems to be in a much better place and we seem to accomplish more than we did before.  So if something in your life is causing you to want to give up; Take some time to yourself, get away from it all, & allow your body, mind, & spirit to relax for a while; Do something nice for just you; Pray and ask God for Clarity; Examine the situation, “Is it Healthy?”, “What are your reasons for continuing?”, “What are you trying to accomplish?”, “Is causing someone else harm?”, “Is it causing you any harm?”;  Make your list then look at it realistically; be honest with yourself and if that burning passion to continue on is still there after a while, then get up & get going at it again, this time with a fresh & new perspective.

When we become discouraged, we need to relax for a while; Discouragement causes stress and tension , which can cause us to do and say things we don’t really mean; it can cause us to hurt someone else in the process and words are something you can never take back; So slow down, spend some time in prayer and remember God’s got your back.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

DON’T FORGET ABOUT OUR 25% OFF SALE THIS WEEK-END AND OUR FEE DRAWING FOR ONE FREE ITEM FROM OUR ONLINE STORE.  CHECK OUT THE FLYER BELOW FOR MORE DETAILS;

1920537_699774053397061_437088387_n

The “H.O.W.” of the Program


In Recovery, the “H.O.W.’S” of the Program are ; Honesty , Open-mindedness, & Willingness; which hold true not just for those in a 12-Step Program, but life in general.

There are many 12-Step Programs available all across the world today ; from Addiction to Grief, to Co-dependency, to Over-Eaters , and so much more; Whatever the group may be,  the primary focus is on Honesty, Open-mindedness, & Willingness, for without these 3 nothing is going to change.

So whatever you are going through in life, remember that until you are able to get Honest with Yourself, you will be unable to be honest with others; Until you are Open-minded enough to take suggestions from those who want to help, you will remain the same and if you don’t become Willing to do the above, you will never find a new way to live.

Honesty, Open-minded, & Willing are a must , no matter what you are facing in life; for without them, there are no changes and if there are no changes, things remain the same, or they could  get worse.

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy

Spiritual Awakening


When I checked into treatment center a little over 7 years ago, I was so confused about the difference between religion and spirituality.   The only thing I knew for sure was that I had lost mine.  Morals and values had not existed in my life for years and I was numb on the inside.   I didn’t care about my own life, much less anyone else’s.

So what was this thing they called Spirituality?  Well, it took me a while to figure that one out,  but when I did , oh what a relief it was.  I began understanding that spirituality was an inside thing and religion was based on works, so to speak; the beliefs of different organizations.  When I began studying it and really working a program, the light started going off; I could see that every time I had gone against a moral or value , that I knew in my heart was wrong, I deadened my Spirit.  When I began practicing spiritual principles, making amends for my wrongs, and developing a relationship with the God of my understanding; my Spirit began awakening in such a powerful way; the more I practiced the principles, the closer I became to God and the closer I became to God , the more my Spirit blossomed.

Now I am not saying that I am always full of Joy & Peace and that I always do the right things, but I am saying that I am able to recognize when I a wrong, admit and accept my part in it; which in return gets me back to where I need to be Spiritually.

(((hugs & love)))

Wendy

Check out our store at http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/store.html for more inspirational jewelry and t-shirts and more;
New items will be arriving soon.

It\’s ok to be right!!


It\’s ok to be right!!.

It\’s ok to be right!!


It\’s ok to be right!!.