Tag Archives: Recovery Hope

Honesty


Growing up honesty was not a value we practiced in our home.  I learned from a very young age not to let the “outside” world know what was really happening in our “inside” world at home.   It was something I did on a daily basis & all throughout my day for that matter.

As I grew older , I continued to take this same sense of “dishonesty” with me wherever I went.  It was how I was raised, it’s what I thought was not only right , but okay.  Needless to say, this type of life only lead me to much darker places.  I lied to get what I wanted, when I wanted it .  I lied about being sick, so I didn’t have to do this or that; my lying became such a habit that I even began believing the lies I was telling to everyone else.

During my youth years, my mom and us 4 kids began attending church on a regular basis.  I was so insecure and so afraid.  I grew up in the old testament bible beating you upside the head type of church and I just knew God was going to kill me before I left that building, on so many occasions.  I mean if I was going to hell because I lied, then I might as well hang it up and if kissing a boy gave you a disease and struck you to your death, then I should have already been gone; Yes it was very confusing.  Then bring in the factor that my father sexually abused me and well, I just gave up at that point.  I was more afraid to walk in a church building than I was not to.  I wanted to believe with all of my heart, I really did; but I was too afraid.  I didn’t see God as loving and caring; I saw Him as someone who was waiting to zap me at any moment and send me straight to hell.  I knew that I had not lived up to any Godly Standards in my life, much less the way I was living at the time.  I was more afraid than comfortable with the entire God Thing.

The thoughts and fears and guilt became so overbearing that I chose to run the other way; to completely get away from God; I did whatever I could to make Him “Zap” me, so to speak; I started using the drugs and alcohol to numb all the confusion and pain; That’s when the grips of addiction took hold and swept me away.  I lived in a hell like I never even imagined was possible and the darkness within my heart; well to this day I don’t even like to speak of it.  I hated everyone, only liked you to get what I could from you, & most of all I hated myself with everything I had within me.  I hated the way I looked, acted, talked, walked, slept, played, did homework, & anything else I could think of.  I envied everyone around me,; what I truly wanted was to go with Alice into a rabbit hole, but I didn’t want to come back.

Today my life is completely different.  I found a new way to live ; one that took my life in the direction I thought only others could enjoy.  It didn’t happen overnight; I had to face many fears along the way, the scariest being, have to  face feel my feelings.  Yes that one nearly got the best of me.  However , with a Sponsor in my pocket, God on my side, & Hope in my heart – I kept going One Day at a Time.  I not only learned to be honest, I learned one of the most important values in life; I learned to be honest with myself; That’s when my true healing began.

Now I am not perfect by any means, but I sure am better than I use to be.  I still have to keep myself accountable & work my program on a daily basis; but the most precious gift of all is the relationship I have with God; He’s my best friend, my provider , and my reason for living.   Now if that’s not a far cry from the way I use to be I don’t know what is.  I enjoy my life today & helping others is a passion that consumes my entire being.

I don’t know what you may be going through, I don’t know what’s on your mind, or what you may be suffering from; But I do know there’s a way out of  the misery and pain.  There’s a way to live life to the fullest and there’s a way to find peace & happiness; You just have to be willing to take that first step in the right direction.  Reach out to someone and share what’s going on with you on the inside; Share as honestly as you can and allow them to help you learn how to take the next step towards freedom.  Whether it’s an addiction, depression, abuse, fear, or just hopelessness you are struggling with, You Can find the help you are looking for ; But whether you find it or not, is a choice that only you can make.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

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Commitment


Keeping our word is of the utmost importance;  Doing what we say we are going to do, defines our true character and whether or not others will trust us.

When I first got clean/sober, no one expected me to do what I said I was going to do.  I had been deceiving so many during my active addiction, that no one trusted me anymore.  It took some hard work and a lot of practice, but today I can say, unless there are circumstances beyond my control, I do what I say I am going to do.

Have you ever started a project only to leave it undone?  For instance, something as simple as washing clothes or doing dishes?  I always had to leave something undone, whether it was a few utensils in the sink or clothes left in the dryer.  When I realized that if I couldn’t keep a commitment to the small things, I would never be able to tackle the bigger things in life; I began to change.  No, I am not always perfect at this and there are times when either I am sick or something , like an emergency or unexpected visitor comes up; that I am unable to complete what I set out to do.  However today, people know that if I don’t follow through with something, it’s because of something completely out of my control.

Recently I have had to re-group in this area of my life.  When I had to quit my job because of circumstances at home I began to isolate; Then my Facebook page was hacked, then the sales didn’t go like we thought they would, then I became ill and ended up in the hospital for the 3rd time in a year and several other things seemed to be falling apart; That’s when I began feeling sorry for myself and with that self-loathing and self-pity not only did isolation take over, but every time I made plans with someone, I would make up some excuse as to why I couldn’t go through with what I had said I would do.

In Recovery we have Sponsors and although my Sponsor is also my best friend, she doesn’t hesitate to call me out on things.  This was no different; She told me that I was slipping and setting up for a relapse; She was concerned for my well-being and saw that I not only had halted the healing process , but I had gone backwards in leaps and bounds.  At first I was in shock and felt completely helpless, but then I began to pray and take responsibility for my actions; followed by making right those wrongs, to the best of my ability.  I am so happy to say that today I am back on track; back writing, back doing what I love to do on Facebook and helping others; Back selling the jewelry and other inspirational items at my online store and at the 2 on-site stores in Alabama.  No, I am not giving up and Yes I am keeping my word!  I am following through with what I began and I plan on seeing it through to the end

We all fall, we all get off track; None of us are perfect, but we can start over at any given time and learn from our mistakes; Besides that’s what success is all about, growing and learning from the setbacks.

((((hugs & love))))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

Get Back to the Basics


http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

Have you ever just felt like something is missing?  I mean you aren’t unhappy, actually your life is going pretty well in all areas, but something is just not there; something that was once before.

I have been in that place for several months now.  The difference is I knew what was missing, or at least I had an idea as to what it was, but I would do everything possible to talk myself out of doing, what I know in my heart I was supposed to be doing.  Finally after many weeks of pushing and pulling, I finally gave in and got back to the basics last night.  I wasn’t anything hard, difficult, or dramatic that I had to do, but it brought such peace and comfort and the minute I stepped in that room, I could feel my face glowing.  Yes that spark inside of me knew I exactly what it was I had been missing, the fellowship of those just like me, the unconditional love that comes from those very same people and the freedom it all brings.  It was a simple thing, a basic principle that began over 7 years ago; yet I was so determined to fight the urge to do what I knew was right, that I risked the very essence of who I am today.

If something is missing in your life, if you feel like something is lost that you once had, get back to the basics of things; Have you stopped doing something you use to do?  Have you been taking time out for you? Have you been isolating or living in fear?  Whatever it is that you did before start it once again.  The basic values in my program are what have kept me clean for so many years and the choice is mine , as to whether or not I will continue to ignore them or apply them in every area of my life.

((((hugs & love)))

Wendy

Discouragement


Discouragement, we all face it at some point in our lives; whether it’s from repeatedly getting rejections, low self-worth, loss of a loved one or feeling as if what you are doing isn’t making a difference.  When we don’t see the results we would like to see, we can either give up or keep fighting; Knowing which one to do is probably the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

When I decided to become an Alcohol and Drug Addiction Counselor I knew it would be difficult and very risky, since I am in Recovery myself; but I kept feeling my heart tugging me in that direction.  There were many prayers prayed and many questions asked, but I made a decision to go forward with my plans.  The studying became harder and harder, the tests were 4 and a half hours long and I was exhausted from working 2 jobs and going to classes; but I kept going, refusing to give up.

I was told that once I finished the classes and passed the state examine that I would    become an official counselor at the facility I was working at , at the time.  However that didn’t happen; They didn’t keep their promise and it really discouraged me to the point of being sick.  I kept to myself for sometime and the  bitterness only grew deeper and deeper; then one day I fell to my knees and asked God to do for me what I couldn’t do for myself.  It wasn’t a week later and they cut my hours to 2 days a week and the worst part was I had to call to find this information out because my gut kept telling me something was wrong.  I was outraged and hurt.  Then I took it out on myself; telling myself that I must not be meant for this job because I was not good at what I did.  My self-esteem dropped to the lowest it had been in quite some time.  Not long after that, the pain of being at this particular facility was more than I could take; So I applied for a position at Bradford Health Services , which is where I went to treatment; I never dreamed I would get the job.  I felt I was too “lower class” for them to even consider me, however I did it anyway, because I could no longer stay where I was.  The next business day the Supervisor contacted me and asked me to come in for an interview.  I was so excited,, and before long I was a Counselor at Bradford.  That was a dream come true.

No matter what you are going through, when you know without a doubt that you are doing what you need to be doing, then by all means stick with it, but when you know it’s time to change, make the change.  God can open the doors you never thought were possible.

And don’t ever allow anyone cause you to feel less than.

(((hugs & Love)))

Wendy

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/


Sometimes we think that God isn’t listening , that He isn’t answering our prayers; we as if He has abandoned.  But this is far from the truth.

There have been many times that I would pray and pray and it didn’t seem like God was listening; Then after some time in my Program I began to realize that I was being close-minded concerning God’s answers.  I wanted Him to answer me in a certain way and had shut out the limitless possibilities in which He could answer.  I missed out on a lot of answered prayers in search for my “burning bush”.  And I mean that literally.  I wanted to watch something appear the way I wanted it to, whether it be that burning bush or something falling from the sky or into my lap.  That’s just not how it has worked for me.  Yes there have been times that opportunities occurred with little or no effort on my part, but more often than not, God has answered my prayers through the people both in and out of my life.

Stay open-minded when it comes to clarity of God’s answers and purposes for you; Don’t limit your answers.  It reminds me of a parable that a friend of mine use to tell me all the time; it goes something like this; There was a big flood coming and people were being evacuated; This one man prayed for God to save him from the flood; In the mean time someone came by with a ladder to help the man escape from his home that was now rising with water, and the man said, “No, God is going to save me”; Then someone came in a boat also offering to rescue the man, but he stated the same words he did to the man in the boat, “God is going to save me” .  Then a helicopter came down to rescue the man and once again he spoke the same words, “God is going to save me”.   The flood ended up engulfing the man’s home and himself; When he reached Heaven he asked God , Why didn’t you save me and God’s reply was, “I sent you a ladder, a boat, and a helicopter”.

Having a closed mind when it comes to God’s guidance, will cause you to miss out on some of the most beautiful & amazing opportunities in your life.  So stay open-minded and let God do His thing.

(((Hug s& love)))

Wendy Box

http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/

Inspirational Jewelry


Here is our Tree of Life Necklace; Hope you enjoy.  You can find this and more items at my on line store ; just go to the website http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/ and click on the store tab.

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Inspirational Jewelry


We now have new charms for both of our key chains and our cuff bracelets.  Just visit our online store at  http://www.wingsofencouragement.net/store.html

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