There are so many times I wondered why I was even here on this earth. I couldn’t seem to find what it was that I truly wanted to do, and to be quite frank, I didn’t care, because I just knew I would never be good at whatever it was.
When I decided to get clean in January of 2007, my life began taking a new direction; one that was filled with Happiness, Freedom, & Hope, but I still couldn’t find my purpose. Why was I here? What was it I was suppose to do? The answers just wouldn’t come. Soon I became extremely depressed and would often tell myself, “I didn’t get clean , to be miserable.” Everyone else was doing something great and they were great at it, but I couldn’t see myself being great at anything. Needless to say I had a lot of work to do.
Low self-esteem was my biggest issue and even today I still battle with not feeling good enough. The difference is it doesn’t last as long, nor happen as often. I started trying new things and began keeping a daily journal, which I call My Letters To God. Soon I realized that I loved to write; I loved to help people and I loved to share what worked for me. I wanted others to know that no matter what they may have gone through in life; Addiction, Child abuse (of all sorts), Torture, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, etc., they too could find a way to enjoy life once again. So I started working on a meditation book and soon began my own facebook page which has grown to over 1 million followers. Soon I was dreaming even bigger dreams. Inspirational Jewelry has always been very special to me; when I am feeling down or like I just don’t have the courage to go one step more, I will rub on my Serenity Prayer necklace and recite the prayer over and over; so I wanted to have my own line of jewelry. Now this was something I never thought would happen, but in the past few months , not only do I have my own line of jewelry , I have my first t-shirt and even keytags. Now how awesome is that. With the help of my Brother-n-law and Sister my dreams are happening right before my own eyes.
Now with all of that being said, I have found myself experiencing a lot of doubt and frustration the past several weeks; My website is new, so there isn’t much traffic and therefore the jewelry and shirts aren’t selling like I had hoped. Fear started taking over again and before I knew it my thoughts were full of negativity. I was doubting my existence once again; I was feeling like a failure and like I was letting those that were helping make this dream possible, down. I also haven’t put my book on kindle yet because of the fear of rejection.
I look at what all is going on in my life and wonder why I can’t be as great as others are; then I realize I am great, because God made me. He made me for a unique and divine purpose and helping others and inspiring others is the purpose He has for me; whether it be through facebook, jewelry, website, twitter, other social media or WordPress; God has a plan for me and I know that it’s for my best. I also know things take time and a lot of work; My self-esteem is much better but I still have a long way to go. It’s called a PROCESS.
Low Self-Esteem can destroy your life; it can cause you to do the things you truly don’t want to do, to give up on your dreams , your hopes, and even worse your life. So many have taken their own lives just because of how much they hated themselves’. Don’t be one of those people.
When life gets tough, when you feel as though you have no purpose , no use at all in this Universe; Remember, without you the Universe would not be the same; the puzzle wouldn’t be complete, because you are meant to be in it, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!! And when you have a dream that you can’t go a day without thinking about, NEVER GIVE UP ON IT!!!! NEVER!!!! It takes time to make things happen, along with a lot of hard work and patience. You will get there, one step & one day at a time.
Always have Faith in yourself, because God has more faith in you than you can possibly imagine and with God on our side, we can’t do anything but Succeed!!!
(((hugs & love)))