Today I was required to attend our Family Program at work; (a 3 day ordeal) as part of our yearly training. While I not only taught the Family Program for my previous employer; I created that very program; It was still required of me to attend this facility’s proceedings.
As a direct result of the class itself; I began feeling “less than”, “a part from”, “isolated”, “dumb”, ignorant, useless and plain stupid; even a state of complete hopelessness came over me.
Yes those are all very powerful feelings and I experienced each one of them, off and on, throughout my day; all because I was learning something different. You see my addicted brain was telling me that I didn’t need to go to these classes, yet in just one day I have learned so much.
I have dealt with those feelings and let them go, one by one; but I know that I am so much better today than I was almost 6 years ago. I also know that this is a life long process; one of which some require a more rigorous program than others. It does set me apart from most everyone, yet I keep going, because I do know that each and every day I am getting closer and closer to being free from the compulsion to think such powerful thoughts of negativity.
So I do my best to replace them with the positive and keep taking deep breaths, taking one step at a time; knowing that I am getting to where I want to be.