Forgiveness is Freeing!!!


Finding myself has been a process; one that I am continuously working on.
Lately I have not been spending much time on Wings.
This was both a difficult and long thought out decision I had to make, due to some personal issues of my own.
In R

ecovery we are continuously working on ourselves; getting to know ourselves on a much deeper level. There are still many things that I have put off dealing with and the time had come to face them, one by one.
The “block” that has been going on in my life over the past few months , was a direct result of me taking an even deeper look within myself for the answers I was searching for. While I am not sure exactly what it is that is “suppose” to happen; today I accomplished a major step in my journey of self-discovery. I went and visited my father’s grave sight (which not only had I never done, but didn’t even know where it was). I was shocked to find that I didn’t fall apart, I didn’t get out of control emotionally, nor did I scream and yell in disgust, with harsh bad words. It wasn’t the reaction I was expecting at all. At first I felt like all was a lost cause, but later as I was re-assessing the day, the realization that all happened just as it was suppose to , and it was just what I needed, hit me in a powerful, yet calm way.
I may not have reacted like I “thought” I would, but rarely do I; however what I needed is exactly what I received; the reassurance that no longer did I need to “second-guess” my earlier inventory of my father. I had forgiven him, I had truly released the power he once held over me and I genuinely did feel love and forgiveness towards him for all the harm he had placed on me.
While many of you may not understand how something so small could make such a big difference in my life; I do and that’s what matters. You see, second guessing myself is a defect of character that I have struggled with most of my life; never knowing if I did something the right way, good enough, etc. This was the reassurance I needed to put a boot to all that second guessing. It was such a relief and I am so grateful to my mom for taking the time out of her day to take me to my father’s grave. Who knows, I may actually visit more often and even put flowers on his grave. NO most of my family won’t understand that, but I do and it’s a healing that has changed my life.
I hope to be back on more often and just as I thought they would, our numbers have dropped drastically, but that’s okay. We are still strong with those we have remaining. Thank you all for being so patient and may you all have a wonderful night’s rest.
Sleep in the arms of the angels my friends
Sweet Dreams
(((hugs & love)))
Wendy

 

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